WAIYAKI WAIYAKI (The urban Storyteller)

If you didn’t join Facebook this week, you must have heard about Wamama Wa Saudia . Well, if you haven’t, worry not. These are a collection of young ladies from around Ndenderu, Wangige and some parts of Kikuyu land who travel to the Middle East or Gulf (Majuu) as they like to call it. They didn’t just get the name as result of their new domicile, its as result of their massive online presence and unorthodox means of dealing with dry spell. Am told common sense and rules of decency always disappear in circumstances such as dry spell, diarrhoea, long held call of nature and extreme hunger. It's no surprise that you will find an elderly lady from upcountry comfortably squatting while responding to a call of nature on the roadside grass. But because you are respectful son of the soil you are in a dilemma whether to pretend you didn’t see or greet her as etiquette require. These elderly have issues with everything, you fail to greet them and they will remind you during y...

My friends are reminding me that the deadline for getting married is this august. My mum has since developed a habit of calling me “ Baba Njoki ”, a schemy way of reminding me that I am underutilising my procreation obligations. A junior elder and a friend writer recently asked me if I have plans to marry soon since at this age I should either be holding a wedding committee or solving disputes with wazee for impregnating a lady. “See, the talk in the streets is that having impregnated a lady before marriage gives one an upper hand during dowry negotiations. The prospective in-laws go easy on the dowry demands ones you have already planted a seed in their daughter”. But I don’t take marriage advice from unmarried friends anyway. Am therefore in the process of looking for a suitor. Having already drafted my manifesto, am currently looking for an appropriate party for the launch. Maybe I will be going as an independent candidate. The most successful hyena is the one that hu...

There is this neighbor of mine who really does a lot of weed. He always announces his arrival from work with a bang. He blasts his home theatre with heavy roots. I hear weed and roots are first cousins. He will later stand on the balcony to take a call because the house is too noisy. He will talk with his girlfriend so loudly as if competing with his home theatre. Later i will hear him knock at my place to apologize for accidentally picking my socks from the hanging line and he promises to return them ones he cleans them. There is this other one who has a habit of hanging her bras and inner garments directly opposite my door. I always have to be cope with being brushed on the face by wet thongs every morning. Later in the evening i will nurse some head injury because i forgot to duck her C cup bras. These things are really hard. How does she even survive on them. But I have chanced to get a glimpse of her thorax and i can tell it needs such a strong caging. I don’t talk ...

Am sited next to two rained on men in this Latema bus. Everyone in the bus seems to have received several drops of the rain just before getting in, nowadays its raining without notice. The bus is stuffy and no one is in the mood to speak to their neighbor. The bus is silent save for the distant voices of Maina and King'ang'i from the poorly tuned classic Fm. My neighbours seem to be familiar with each other as they are sharing a newspaper. Ones they get an interesting story on the paper they start a conversation of mixed swahili and luhya. On the front page of their paper is a list of politicians who won or lost the just concluded party primaries. That way i can tell it isn't a today's paper.... Must be last weeks paper. At the back of the bus there is a bespectacled young man who is on a phone call. He is loud that he attracts attention of everyone in the bus. He is talking fast and furious, occasionally adjusting his exaggerated spectacles (you know ...

Dating and Friendship where did I go wrong? Everyone is coming and leaving? All my peers have been married! Okay ,There is a problem ! Well, today world is full of interesting words and vocabularies.Take a look ,Bff,Bf ,MCM,WCW,Bae ,Boo ..etc This words interact in the world of friendship and dating. My friend used these words interchangeably ,bff and bf . She could not have a clear cut difference between the two. The reason why she was single at her late 20s. Take a look ,your dating Mutua and beside Mutua you have Mutuku,your best friend forever(bff), going forward you have Kamau your bff and there is Otieno your MCM. You want to create time for Mutua,then Kamau calls ;in the midst of confusion Mutuku wants to take you out. Yes ,in the same confusion your MCM wants to spend time with you .. Today ,you choose Otieno and you go out with him ,in the evening you go and visit Mutua and your innocence kills you ,you are there narrating him how you had good time with Otieno...